Getting together for a good cause

As more kids enroll in college, I'm hoping every college is planning for more scholarships. Tomorrow, a group of home-business consultants will open up shop on the campus of Fort Valley State University to benefit the scholarship fund there.
You are familliar with the companies - Mary Kay cosmetics, Cookie Lee jewelry, PartyLite candles, Tastefully Simple foods, Pampered Chef kitchen products, Creative Memories scrapbooking supplies, and Weekenders clothing. You've probably even met some of the consultants who will be there. But this time, instead of working for a paycheck, the consultants will be taking home the hostess credit usually given away at home parties and giving their profits to the school. How cool is that?
So if you've the opportunity, stop by the C.W. Pettigrew Center on the campus of Fort Valley State University tomorrow between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. Your purchase helps a kid (maybe yours) go to school.
Directions: IF TRAVELING NORTH: Take Interstate 75 north and exit at Perry/Fort Valley (Exit 136). Turn left at the end of the ramp and proceed about ten miles to Fort Valley on Route 341. Pass the Industrial Park and turn left on University Boulevard. Travel to the first stop sign, which will be State University Drive. Turn right onto State University Drive. The campus is on the right. The Pettigrew Center is the second building on the right. Enter through the first gate in the brick fence. Parking is in two lots behind the building (unless otherwise instructed by Campus Security).
IF TRAVELING SOUTH FROM MACON: Take Interstate 75 south, bypass Macon on I-475S, and exit at Byron/Fort Valley (Exit 149). Turn right at the end of the ramp and proceed eleven miles to Fort Valley on Route 49. Pass the Blue Bird Body Company and continue straight through the downtown area on Route 49/Camellia. Cross the railroad tracks and turn left on State University Drive. The campus is on the left less than one mile away. The Pettigrew Center is at the south end of the campus. Enter through the gate at the end of the brick fence. Parking is in two lots behind the building (unless otherwise instructed by Campus Security).

a boy's "firsts"

I'll spare you the pictures, but we had a male milestone in our house Monday. Daniel got his first stitches.
Now, I know you mothers of girls out there are simply appalled, or laughing and thanking God you have little ladies. But mothers of boys are asking "how old is he? You made it that long?"
Because moms of boys and girls have different milestones to mark sometimes. I won't be waiting for the first time my daughter "becomes a lady" and I won't have to demonstrate feminine hygine products. But I will get to discuss how many broken bones, stitches, ER visits, etc. my son has had. I will go through first car agony in a different way, as well, I suspect. Because Daniel's first car is likely to be up on blocks getting rebuilt for a couple of years before he actually gets his driver's license. (Not all moms of boys go through that, but moms of boys and wives of old-car fanatics get SPECIAL treats.)
So, he ran into a tree (on foot - longtime readers will remember this isn't his first headlong pelt into a tree) and the school called for me to pick him up. Three hours in the MedStop waiting room (I've avoided the flu this long but I'm pretty sure I'm doomed by that one visit) and three stitches later, we have new bragging rights.
Ahh, the joys of boys.
--Misty

To shield or not to shield

We had a very close call with Faith's beloved kitty, Xiang. Seems he was run over by a neighbor's car but managed to miss all four tires, tumbled a bit on the road before running off. As I searched for him for about 20 minutes, I agonized over how I would tell my daughter if he were dead. Thankfully, he was under a bush in our backyard with a stunned look on his face. Aside from not meowing for about a day, he only had a slight limp that quickly disappeared. Another neighbor up the street recently lost a cat that didn't fare as well with a vehicle encounter. Seeing the cat's body on the side of the road, I stopped and pulled him off onto the shoulder. I later stopped to ask the homeowner across the street if it was their cat. It was. They told their little girl who is about Faith's age that the cat ran away. They wanted to spare her the grief. People may think we're morbid, but we actually took Faith to her first funeral before she turned 3. A dear friend and surrogate grandmother died after battling cancer. During the later stages of her illness, Faith would crawl up into her hospital bed when we would visit. We were honest with her that she was dying. We were also open with her about my mother's illness and she took her death in stride. She probably handled it better than all of us. I'm not sure what the experts will say, but honesty has worked in our case.
- Liz

Homework "help"

Daniel has already discovered that he can wheedle his way into getting me to help with his homework.
"I don't know how to do this, momma," he whimpers with those big blue eyes focused on me. "Will you help me?"
I usually just go over the directions and make sure he does the first one correctly before continuing with dinner prep. But then comes time to check the paper.
"Look at this one, this one and this one," I'll say.
He gets busy with the eraser and then works his wiles again. "How do I do this one?"
Usually, they are careless mistakes, so I get all stern and "you can do it" on him. But I know parents who hit their limit at about this point, and walk their child the rest of the way through to correct answers.
I'm still tough, though - if Daniel misses more than half of the problems on his first time around, I make an extra bit of practice up for him. (He hates it when I do that, but it's just the teacher in me.)
Here's my question: Is it more important to you to have your child turn in perfect homework - even if you have to provide some of the answers, or is it just important for them to have the practice and get MOST of it right on their own?
--Misty

Consignment alert

A friend in the newsroom just asked about upcoming consignment sales and I do have dates from two of my favorite sales in Macon. Kidz Replay, which is located in the Riverstreet Corners shopping center next to Lipson's Fabrics, runs Wednesday and Thursday, March 5th and 6th from 9 a.m. until 7 p.m., Friday March 7th from 9 a.m. until 1 p.m. and Saturday March 8th from 8 a.m. until noon when many of the items are half price. The following week, the Martha Bowman United Methodist Church will hold their Mothers of Preschoolers sale at Hephzibah Children's Home on Zebulon Road across from Lake Wildwood. It is open to the public Friday March 14th from 9 a.m. until 7 p.m. and Saturday March 15th from 8 a.m. until 1 p.m. which is also a half price day for most items. If you can't wait until then, my friend advised she got some really good deals this week at the Children's Friend Outlet Store at Tanger on I-75 North. Many of their winter items are reduced to just a few dollars or less. The consignment sales offer spring and summer clothing for boys and girls. Happy shopping and Happy saving!
- Liz

how do you handle it?

I was listening to Family Life Radio this week and a woman came on talking about a division between herself and the rest of her family because she's a Christian and the rest of them aren't. Her situation was pretty destructive.
There's a division in my family: it started when I married someone my parents didn't (and still don't) approve of. The hostilities have waxed and waned over the years, but they're still there - like an elephant in the parlor. Everyone's convinced he or she is right, and there have been periods of estrangement over it.
Here's my plea for advice: How do I fix it? How do I live with it? How do I share my son with grandparents who act like they hate his father? How do I ask my husband to share his son with people who seem as though they can't stand him? I know some of you have faced similar situations - maybe with an ex's parents. How did you handle it? I literally have nightmares about this part of my life.
And yes, the parties I'm talking about do read this blog. So it's not like we haven't all recognized there's an elephant in the parlor - holding a bazooka.
--Misty

Things to make and do

Houston County parents are staring another week of school vacation in the face. Pick up a Family Fun magazine for a whole slew of things to keep the kiddies busy while they're off.
For example: It's not too early to get the garden ready for planting. They can dig around in the mud, clearing leaves and twigs and making rows for summer veggies. Or, just pick up some plastic pots and they can spend part of one day painting them, the next day filling them with dirt and seeds for window pots.
Spring cleaning anyone? I get the bug to rearrange furniture kind of often, so this weekend we'll be reformatting the living room. BUt Daniel's room has devolved into such a mess that I haven't even run the vaccuum in there for a couple of weeks. So come time off from school, guess which room we'll be tackling together? You can spend most of a day playing "try this on to see if it fits" and making a list of new summer clothes needed. And don't forget the teachable moment: too-small clothes and toys that haven't been played with in oh, a year, go to the charity box for kids who don't have good clothes or toys. Just don't turn that toy donation into a battle - if they insist they must keep it, insist they must play with it. Bang, another activity that'll keep 'em busy while you pay bills or organize your closet.
--Misty

Mom's mortal, too

It shouldn't take a brush with death to make us consider what would happen to our families if were were no longer there to take care of them. But as I experienced a severe allergic reaction and waited to see if I would be able to take my next breath yesterday, I kept thinking "Wait - they're not properly trained yet!"
Because that's what I've been doing. Training my son to live on his own, take care of himself, keep his own house. And, of course, at 5, he's not ready. But I'm not done training his dad, either. Dishes don't have to wait until you've exhausted every clean utensil, you shouldn't be out of clothes before you do laundry, and women need wooing - not just to get one, but to keep her. Of course, his heroics in the Taking Care of Me department yesterday earned him a lot of bonus points - metaphorically speaking.
But here's another question I am left with - do I have enough life insurance? And have I told the people around me about my wishes for final arrangements? Morbid, yeah, but also just being prepared.
The biggest question of course is: Have I told them how much I love them? And there can never be too much of that.
--Misty

Josiah's gone to see Jesus

He was barely one pound. Baby Josiah lived for about 15 minutes but his story will never die in the lives he's touched. Since word first broke of the disturbing sonogram, the family, their friends and their friends have been praying for God to heal him. They rejoiced when someone discovered "Josiah," the name the mom had picked even before she knew the sex is translated - "Whom Jehovah heals." But Josiah died. "It wasn't quite like we wanted it to be, but he's healed now," the father told the pastor's wife, who happens to be a retired obstetrician. If she had been the doctor in this case - once the mother lost her mucus plug, started having contractions and labor pains, she would have prescribed a steroid shot to try to help Josiah's lungs form quicker in case of early delivery. Monday, doctors performed an emergency c-section once all the amniotic fluid had leaked out which left Josiah and his mom vulnerable to infection. But once outside the womb there wasn't a breathing tube small enough for his tiny throat. He got out one little cry before he died. But he has already spoken volumes for the faith of his family's church. For weeks, they have been praying and declaring Josiah would be born whole, healthy and of sound mind. Doctors have been telling the parents to abort. The mother fought back tears over the weekend as she retold the advice she'd gotten. This woman, after hearing the sonogram showed fused hands and feet and Spina Bifida, told her doctor she wasn't going to refuse God's gift just because it wasn't perfect. When a woman at the specialist's office said the second opinion was not covered, she asked wouldn't the mother be better off if she just terminated? It wasn't long after that she was fighting back labor and trying not to lose any more water. Even if doctors and their nurses had given up, the family and the friends did not. Some unbelievers might scoff at a God who chooses not to heal a baby or of people who pray for the impossible. But little Josiah's hands, feet and face were normal. So either the doctors were wrong about the formation of his extremities or God healed him. The parents know they did all they could do. Josiah did not die in vain, some good will come out of this, they said.
- Liz

Mom at home and school

How does being a teacher affect your kids?
RESA and others are holding teacher job fairs in the coming days and weeks and I thought: what if you work where your kid goes to school?
When I was in 9th grade, I went to school with two great friends whose mother taught social studies at our school. They were the top students in their classes. How much of it was the fact that mom was just a hall away? I don't know, because they both went on to excel in the medical field. But I imagine the emphasis on education must have been very high in their home.
So teachers - got kids? How do you separate school and home? OR do you?
Inquiring minds want to know.
--Misty

When 1+1 doesn't equal 2

My newest parenting challenge is finding patience when helping my daughter with school work. Last week she brought home a math paper with more red X's than a needlepoint sampler. More subtraction problems were wrong than right. She's been taught to use a number line to add and subtract but I have to wonder whether she's using it incorrectly as most of the wrong answers were one digit off. It's been so frustrating because I know she has a good memory yet these math equations and her spelling words aren't sinking in. How do you learn those things without memorizing them? I once met a little Indian girl at a wedding who wanted me to remember her mother's cell phone number so we could arrange a play date. "Put it into your mind," she told me. If only it were as easy as that. It appears some things go in Faith's mind and right back out. She has a hard time concentrating on which problem we're working on let alone finding the correct answer. The teacher has advised us to use flash cards for 10 minutes each day. When flashing certain equations, Faith just says, "That's so hard." I remember having to write out long tables of 1+1 and 1+2 and memorizing my multiplication tables. I don't know how else to help her memorize these numbers. Does anyone have an advice for helping a youngster concentrate and learn?
- Liz

Looking to the future

High school seniors are deep into college application territory. So here's my question: what do you look for, as a parent, when your kids are looking at schools? Is cost the major factor? Are the programs offered your main concern? What about size of the school?
Drop me a comment, start a discussion. I know Middle Georgia parents are super aware of the importance of their kids' educations!
--Misty

All better

It's amazing what a note to the teacher can do.
I wrote her about Daniel's concerns about bing called "stupid" and that he was coming up with excuses to not go to school. She had a chat with him that day.
"While I couldn't get Daniel to name the student who was calling him 'stupid,' I did tell him he is one of the smartest in my class," she wrote back.
And sure enough, he was all smiles when I picked him up that afternoon. "I'm smart, mama!" he crowed.
Yes, dear, I've been telling you that. But apparently, some things take on more meaning coming from a teacher.
God bless our teachers.
--Misty

PDAs of a different sort

Before you had kids, you probably had a policy about Public Displays of Affection between you and your significant other. And I bet he knew where the line was, too.
But when it comes to babies, all our rules go flying out the window. We coo, snuggle, kissy-face and baby talk in public without thinking one bit about the impression we're making on others. Why is that?
Is there something about kids that makes even normally nondemonstrative people give hugs freely? Is there something about babies that makes even the best grammarians lose years of education? And here's the biggie: is it cute or just stomach-curdling to see a normally rational adult go ga-ga over a newborn?
For the record, I'm guilty big time of allowing PDAs with my kid that my husband would never get away with. He gets hugs and kisses on demand, although at 5 he's making fewer demands every day. He's allowed to crawl in my lap, or hang on my shoulder, or wrap his arms around me wherever we are. But I never used baby talk, and at four he was using words like "mistaken" properly. But that's another blog.
--Misty

Bullying worries

What's the difference between being bullied and just plain being picked on?
Daniel hasn't wanted to go back to school at all this week. "The other kids call me stupid" was what I got after weeding through the litany of "my head hurts, my stomach hurts, I don't feel good" complaints. So we had a discussion about those kids not being his friends and how his friends don't call him names, and he's doing so well in reading and writing, so why don't we give it a try just today?
But I don't know how to fix the base problem. My child used to love school. He loved his teacher, he loved learning. Now he only loves learning at home. We read together, he and his dad spend hours constructing elaborate Lego projects, and I have no problem getting him to write letters to grandma at home. He just doesn't want to go to school anymore. Help!
--Misty

A sonogram's sobering stillness

My eyes didn't want to blink fearing I'd miss the expected movement on the screen. But there was none to see. When you are pregnant, bleeding can be an ominous sign. So once I got to the doctor's office, he quickly ordered a sonogram. Unlike my first procedure there was no anticipation of joy. Dread had a grip on me as I bellied up to the machine. Scheduled sonograms are often eagerly anticipated. Expectant moms and dads can drag in grandmothers, siblings and friends to view the baby bouncing around in the womb. But during my first miscarriage those sound waves showed me something I didn't want to see. I think doctor's call it a non-viable pregnancy. I call it heartbreak. All the hopes of a giving birth to a healthy child were stuck on that screen. Although my experiences came about nine years ago, a dear friend is reeling from the images formed by sound waves bouncing off the baby boy growing inside her. His hands and feet are fused, spina bifida is present and doctors suspect brain abnormalities. She has no plans to terminate the pregnancy. "Why should I refuse God's gift just because it isn't perfect," is her attitude. Instead, she and her husband are joining forces with family and friends in prayer. Believing in miracles, they are determined to pray for baby Josiah for at least 21 straight days. They know God works all things for good for those who love and serve Him and are called according to his purpose. They are not willing for this child to perish for lack of faith.
- Liz

More movie magic

Although Faith never once asked for it, a portable DVD player has become one of her favorite Christmas presents. When my brother asked if she had one, I was thrilled they were planning to give her one. No more whining about riding in my car without drop-down screens! In advance of the gift, I made sure she was getting plenty of new DVDs. Much of our holiday vacation has been spent in scintillating cinematic escapades. On New Year's Eve, I set Faith up in her bedroom with her player and a couple of favorite flicks. In the meantime, I curled up with a book - a luxury usually only reserved for vacation on the beach. Come to think of it, I'm not sure I've even read on vacation since I've been a mommy. We also took an afternoon to catch "Alvin and the Chipmunks" at the theater. I've been a fan of those critters since childhood. I was amazed once again that in the preview was another throw-back from my early days - Speed Racer is coming to the big screen and the animation sequences look awesome. Add that to Curious George, Nancy Drew (why isn't that on video yet?) and Underdog for the most recent examples of Hollywood remakes. It's nice to feel like a kid again.
- Liz

Party Time's Over

Daniel and I were both happy he went back to school this morning. We had a little discussion about the things I expect his teacher will ask: "What did you do over the break?" And I reminded him he could color pictures of teh movies we went to see, the trains he spent literally days playing with, the friends he went to visit. I'd be willing to lay down money, though, that he'll come home with another picture of Thomas or Gordon the big blue tank engine. Oh well, at least I know what I'm looking at.
--Misty

New Year's Restitutions

My New Year's resolution is usually the same: Get everybody healthy, by God.
Because by this time in the season I'm sick of being sick. LAst year, it was major surgery. This year, it's pneumonia. And every year, poor Daniel walks around sniffling and coughing any time he's in contact with other kids. It's like we have signs on our forheads: "Weak Immune Systems - Germs take up residence here."
But it's not a bad idea to make this your New Year's resolution: Take everybody to the doctor for an annual checkup. That means dads, too. Because while mom will put her doctor's visit off while she gets everyone else squared away, at least she'll go. Research shows dad just won't bother. But as most families' primary breadwinner, dad can no more afford to be hit with a surprise illness or disease than the rest of the family. So that's my take on the whole New Year's resolution gig.
But Tigger has a different view - and a different vocabulary. During one of Daniel's movie-watching sprees this week, I listened to Tigger explain "New Year's restitutions" to Pooh. And I thought: That's not a bad idea. So I'm also going to seek out someone to whom I was not nice, or whom I failed in this past year, and make a restitution. I may not make up for the hurt I did, but I plan to try.
--Misty

Thanks a lot

It was just a month ago that I was having trouble encouraging Faith to show her appreciation and gratitude when she receives a present. What a difference some creative thinking makes. For Christmas, Faith received a box of thank you notes and some other make-your-own stationery. Before I knew it, she was asking me how to write "thank you for the gift" and writing out her notes. At a friend's house the other night, she started writing the note before she opened a gift. "Thank you for the _____" was on the card until she opened, then she filled in "book." Before we left, Faith had hidden her note on our friend's doorstep. Now that she goes back to school tomorrow, we need to set aside some time today to write a few more notes. Of course, now it seems like work so I might have to get creative again. One of my best incentives is my own personal story. One year my brother and I failed to send notes to my father's cousins and we were cut-off from gifts from that point out. It's a hard lesson, but one that will certainly resonate with my 7-year-old.
- Liz